“You’re a fraud” Sage mutters under his breath as he sits in the back of the classroom, mean-mugging and crossing his fully-tatted arms. Ever since attending college, Sage’s faith in the education system has dwindled to the point of disgust. He had only agreed to go here in the first place because of a full-scholarship and sliver of hope that school might make him a better computer-programmer. It didn’t. In fact, Sage, a self-taught coder, feels that school only gets in the way of his education. All he learns is “theoretical bullshit” and never actually gets to code in his computer classes. Now, a junior, still taking General Education courses, he finds every second in a class like this one right now torture. Especially this one: “Ethics 101.” What a bunch of bullshit. This guy is so full of shit. What a fraud…
“Of course, as I say,” the professor, lecturing to two hundred malleable minds, pompously states, “you will know what to do, if you trust your instincts and are of sound moral character. I myself, I know myself, and therefore I will know what do. So, when people ask me about what I would do in terms of the trolley dilemma, my answer remains: I don’t know, but I do know. I don’t know what my answer will be, but when the time comes, I know that I will know what to do…Of course, I don’t find myself near any trolley levers on my way to work.” Chuckles from the crowd. “But in the hypothetical case, l will know. That is my answer. So the question you should ask isn’t ‘what will I do tomorrow?’ Rather, the question is, ‘Who am I today?’
The students meet this lecturing with admiring ‘ahhs’. Sage, however, throws his neck back and rolls his eyes, hoping the esteemed professor will notice his dissatisfaction. He doesn’t. At this point, Sage is extremely fed up with this man, whom everyone seems to love. And love is no exaggeration. Oh yes, not only does he have a near perfect score on ‘ratemyprofessors.com’, but he also racked up four chill peppers on the website. Girls actually fall for this guy?! Barely forty years old, six feet tall with perfectly quaffed hair and a smug smile, Professor Slattery seems to always have the classroom packed with female college students who have the hots for him. Sage recalls the few times he caught the professor flirting with the students. And he’s married! And this conceited piece of shit wants to talk ethics?! So infuriated, before Slattery can continue, Sage’s mutter turns into a purposeful remark for the whole class to hear. “You. Are. A. Fraud.”
Professor Slattery stops in his tracks and searches the back of the lecture hall, where he gauged the voice to be coming from. “Who said that?! Who’s the wise guy here?”
Sage slowly, yet confidentially extends his hand upwards so that the whole classroom can see the impressively inked arm raised in the air. “That was me. I called you a fraud. You own a Tesla and a Hummer. How does that make any sense?”
“Leave this classroom right now. I have no time for impudent slackers!”
“With pleasure.” Sage smoothly slips his backpack on, jumps over the back of his chair, and pushes through the doors to freedom. The class responds with an applause for their heroic teacher.
“Sorry about that, class. Now, where was I…Ah, yes…”
As Professor Slattery pulls out from his parking spot, closest non-handicapped one to the lecture hall, he notices a figure walking towards his Tesla. The person looks familiar but it takes him a second. Spiked hair…black leather vest…tattoo sleeves…it’s him! That disrespectful piece of shit! What does he want now? Yet, he is met with a pleasantly warm greeting.
“Hey! Professor! Professor!” The kid jogs up to the window. “Sage. The uh, ‘impudent slacker’ from class” he chuckles as he scratches the back of his head.
Slattery eyes him with suspicion.
“Listen, I’m sorry about that earlier. I don’t know what came over me. There’s no excuse for that.”
“No…there isn’t. But. To err is human. To forgive is divine. And so Sage, I forgive you. Thanks for the apology.” He nods and gives a tired smile.
“Aww, geez. Thanks Mr. S! You’re the best. Hey, here’s my homework, I didn’t get a chance to hand it in today because, well, you know haha.” He hands him a stapled stack of papers which is placed into the passenger seat by the professor.
“Ok. I’ll have to take points off for tardiness. But sure. Thank you.”
A few seconds of awkward silence pass as they stare at each other through the car window. “Well” chimes the forgiving professor. “I’ll see you Friday.”
As Slattery drives away he glances in his rearview window and notices the kid with an eerie smile waving back at him. The thick coat of tattoos shines in the sunlight. “Strange” he mutters to himself.
“Losing my religion!” Slattery sings along as he lounges back in his seat and lets his Tesla drive him home. The sound from his Tesla speakers beats any car he’s ever been in. By far.
All of a sudden, the music stops. “What the Hell” Slattery says as he finagles with the media dial. He glances at his phone and starts to hear the music coming out of the iPhone speaker. “Damn it.” He attempts to reconnect the bluetooth to his iPhone but then gets an error pop on his phone screen: Restricted. “What the Hell…”
Then something even stranger happens. His Tesla takes the next exit off the highway, away from his house. “Woah! What’s going on!” Then he hears a voice come out from his speaker. Not music. A voice.
“Hi professor” emits the speaker, followed by a chuckle. The same chuckle as…oh no. “I will be your Uber Driver this evening. Can I offer you a stick of gum?”
The stunned professor can only manage one faint syllable: “…How?”
“I implanted a raspberry pi to gain control of your Tesla’s software. Check the homework I handed you.”
Slattery frantically flips through the stack of papers and finds a computer card taped to the back of a page. He nervously rips it off and chucks it out the window.
“Yeah don’t worry. I’m already in.”
“Where are you taking me?”
“Oh we’re just gonna take a little detour before you go home.” The speaker lets out another tinny chuckle as the Tesla makes another turn into the darkening night. He finds himself at an abandoned Greyhound Bus terminal that once was. Slattery looks around. Nothing. Nobody. The empty lot extends for about half a mile until it reaches a forest. He squints ahead and notices two separate shadows far in the distance.
“You see, Professor, ” the tinny yet haunting voice continues. “I was so inspired by your lecture today. And I’m more of a hands-on learner, you know.”
The car starts to speed up.
The shadows start grow bigger as the car approaches them. About .4 miles away.
“On the left side you have five random people tied to a tree. Are they innocent bystanders? I don’t know-I didn’t check their rap sheet.”
Slattery’s mouth opens in a state of shock.
“On the right side you have two non-random subjects. Your wife and five-year old daughter to be specific. And now, professor. I’m giving you a choice!”
.3 miles away. “Right now we’re heading right. Towards your wife. Should I pull the lever, Professor?”
Slattery manages a very soft “please” to slip through his lips.
.2 miles away. “Surely you know what to do! Pull the lever?”
Slattery balls up in his seat and closes his eyes. He starts to weep.1 miles away.
All of a sudden, staring into the blackness of the back of his eyelids, Professor Slattery feels the car turn and hears a Screeeeech! The Tesla then stops. He opens his eyes to find the people tied to the trees to be, in fact, cardboard-cutouts. Probably from the movie theatre nearby. He tries to get his bearings, when he hears laughter come from the speaker. “Wow! You really handled that one like a man! Good night Professor. See you in class, Friday.”
